Resolutions are overrated. Honestly. I think the last time I actually made one was in fourth grade: and by day three I had broken it. Every year my mother about how they get want to get into shape, and my dad talks of eating healthier. As for me: Bah-humbug. Only 10% of Americans actually keep their New Year's resolution (or something like that). Why create a dream to achieve a better lifestyle just to have it crushed the second week of February?
So I'm just a Scrooge, I suppose. Next thing you know I'll be visited by ghosts of New Years Past or something equally as cliche (Don't mind me, I'm just a money grubbing old man with creaky knees and a heart of stone).
But this new year was a little different: the start of a new decade (2000-2009 was officially labeled "The Decade From Hell" by Time Magazine). Everyone is looking to this year for restitution: rebuilding our economy from the recession, the end of the Iraqi war (I'll talk more about that later). There's hope in the future of 2010.
Maybe not for me.
The first two nights of 2010 were filled with nightmares. Literally. I would wake up sweating in the middle of the night: then slowly, when i was sure it was just in my head, drift back to sleep. The dreams were filled terrible memories from the year past, but twisted so harshly it was almost grotesque.
The days were filled with regret and remorse for the things I'd done. As the days progressed, I became more and more depressed. I couldn't believe my unluckiness.
I became miserable, thinking what I could do to fix the past. Misery turned into bitterness, and bitterness to insecurity. I couldn't believe what I had become so quickly: a remorseful unhappy girl with a emotional burden on her back.
But as quickly as the pendulum swung, even faster did it swing back in my favor. I pulled out my Bible one night and opened it randomly, hoping to find something to bring my spirits up. And so I did.. (TTL!) "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." LAM 3:21
That might not mean crap to you, but it sure as heck meant something to me.
And then, like magic, it clicked: I needed to forget and not slow down (Thank you Relient K and Kyle.. I love you guys!)
"I could spend my life just trying to sift through what I could have done better, but what good do what-ifs do?"
So I guess that's my new years resolution: To Forget and Not Slow Down. Because maybe it's time to just move on with my life, and not worry about the ones who I'll probably never talk to again. I don't care whose fault it was or if there's any way to patch up what we shredded to pieces, because this year is going to be all about "washing my hands of it."
Maybe I'm not so bah-humbug after all ;)
Forget And Not Slow Down Lyrics
How many times
Can I push it aside
Is it time I befriended all the ghosts of all the things that haunt me most
So they leave me alone
Move on with my life
Be certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright
I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it
It's time to decide
Which is out of my mind
Cause it'll be me unless I put some thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind
I'll watch the glint in my eye
Shine off the spring in my step
And could be blinding depending on the amount of you that I reflect
Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could've done better but what good do what ifs do
Oh oh
Oh oh
There's something I should tell you now
About Me
- kimber.ella
- I'm a girl with too much to do and too little to share. I swim, learn, read, write and play music. Those songs that get stuck in your head in the mornings are from dreams I have the previous night. I love Relient K, coffee, pandas, and you! "Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance." —Luke 15:7
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
=) I love your blog. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to hear your New Year's Resolution. But it might be a little harder than expected, unfortunately.
We're all human, which means that we'll have ups and downs (Wow...I use that a lot.). Not to discourage or anything, because that's not what I'm trying to do, but I do want to warn you that it'll get pretty hard after a while. After a few days, even (maybe). Because, as humans, we get exhausted in every way. Whether it's physical, emotional, spiritual, or the other one that I can't remember. You'll get exhausted, and you'll no doubt look back and still wish you could change things.
Why did I say that? I dunno....I seriously have no idea why I say HALF the things I say! I think I had a point to start, and then I forgot half way through saying it, so it turned into something somewhat depressing and...another word that I don't want to try and remember.
All this to say, I'm glad you have your resolution, and when times get tough, I wish you good luck. =) And, of course, you are always able to talk to me, if you so wish.
Wow....I'm bad at commenting blog posts. Maybe I should just be like everyone else and say, "I like it!" Or, "Dude, what are you going through? You can totally talk to me about it! It'll be okay!" ....But, no offense to people reading that, but that's annoying. haha.
Now, I'm going to reply to your comment on my blog. =)
Yes, you are my follower. But, for some lame reason that I don't know about, you appeared as "sing4yaysoos." Is it your e-mail? Because I certainly couldn't get "Kimber Swanson" out of that!
TIP stands for "Trauma Intervention Program." So, when there's a death, car accident, fire, or something of the sort, I get called out (if I'm on call). If it's a car accident, a lot of times, we won't even be with the guy that crashed. We'll be with the witnesses that were traumatized by it. I have personally never been to an accident. Just a few deaths and a few fires.
Hope that answers your question. =)